I have been struggling for a place to write this and my feelings about it. I'm not totally sure that I will even publish this post, but it might just help me to write it out. I will be honest, the whole point of this blog was to help me try to put into words what I've been thinking.
In August of 2014 we got some very exciting news. We found out that I was pregnant. I was so excited, but very nervous at the same time. We were getting ready to move, I was working full time, and I was finishing school. We just had a lot going on at the time and I was very stressed. Toward the end of August I started cramping, so I called a doctor and they told me not to worry unless I started bleeding.
On a Friday night we made a trip to Brigham City to eat at Maddox Ranch House, it was delicious. We had almost made it back to Logan before I got super sick, I made Chris pull over so I could throw up. It was pouring rain and Chris pulled over and I stuck my head out in the rain and puked my guts up. I was thinking to myself if this is what being pregnant is like there's no way I will survive this.
Then I woke up around 2am with the worst pain in my stomach. I thought I just needed to puke again so I went in the bathroom and tried. Nothing would come out, but I did need to go to the bathroom, and what do you know... I was bleeding. I was so scared, and I had no idea what to do. I went back to the bedroom in a lot of pain and woke Chris up. He suggested I take a bath and he went downstairs and got me some Tylenol. I sat in the bath until about 6 am. The Tylenol didn't even come close to touching the pain. I finally fell back asleep around 7:30. By this time Chris, my dad, and my brother were in Toole, Utah watching the motorcycle races.
I woke up around 9 or 10 and called my sister in law to see what I should do and she told me to just head to the instacare. When I got to the instacare they sent me straight to the emergency room, which I was not exactly thrilled about.
I got straight back to a room and changed. They gave me more Tylenol which again didn't do me any good. I got a couple ultrasounds, and then a NP came in and gave me some better pain medication. A few minutes later I got the horrible news that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I was having a miscarriage and there was nothing they could do about it.
I was absolutely devastated. I didn't even know how this could happen to me. I called Chris and gave him the news. He of course couldn't come home until the races were over because he had ridden with my dad and brother. I drove myself and went and got a few prescriptions and went home put on a movie and wanted to fall into a short coma so I could just forget about all this physical and emotional pain I had been through and would go through.
On Monday, I had to go back to work and school and it was horrible. I just wanted to lay in bed all day and cry. Of course I had to just keep on going. I was in the middle of my finals at school and I was training two new assistants at work. I guess you could say I never really had time to deal with it.
Ever since life has been pretty rough. I am not really sure how to deal with this pain. It's a really hard thing when all of my friends are going through these wonderful pregnancies and cuddling their sweet babies. This pain is no joke. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy for my friends and I will love on their babies like no bodies business, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it still hurts. That's another story for a different day, until next time.
Love,
Chris &Mikailei
